I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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