oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
