It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
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I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
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Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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