I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
