names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
