My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
