Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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