dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It was confusing and full of hummus
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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