I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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