Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
