pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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