Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
