i don't want you to think of me as your TA
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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