also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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