it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
They took my balls.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Randomize
