someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
