and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
