I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
