I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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