escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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