I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
