rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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