I heard we made out
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
