He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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