He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
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Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
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HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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