I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
