Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
