I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
