quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize
