Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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