u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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