I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
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