I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
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Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
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