I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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