im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
