she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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