i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
