i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
