I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
How's work?
Spinning.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
