I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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