I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize