Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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