I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
