You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
