I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
