ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
