About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
