playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
