Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
