I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
