yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
