she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
