We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
