party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
