somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
