i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
