I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
