Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
