when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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