Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
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