I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize