we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
