I feel great
I just peed on a car
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
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I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
that may or may not have been my penis.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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