I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
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