It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
