Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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